Tuesday, December 28, 2010

I woke up yesterday morning and checked on Dad. He was laying in bed, awake. Before I got him up, I called Dr. Jane's office and explained how Dad had been the past few days. They said they would call me back. I returned to Dad's room and he was sitting on the side of the bed, leaning over some. He said, "I'm having trouble breathing." I told him I had called the doctor and we would be seeing her soon. I got him up and gave him his juice and medicine. I made him oatmeal and coffee. He needed a shower. I took him back to the bathroom and got him undressed. He said, "I've got to sit down." He sat down, naked. After a minute, I tried again to get him in the tub. Simon came in to help me. I washed him as quick as I could, because he seemed really weak and wanted to sit down. We got him dressed back in pajama bottoms. The phone rang and it was the doctor's office. Dr. Jane wasn't working, but they told me we could see the P.A. at 10:30. I got in the shower and Simon sat with Dad. Simon said that my dad was sitting on the couch and looked over at him and said, "Simon, I'm dying." Then he kept feeling his wrist. Simon said, "What are you doing, Papaw?" Daddy said, "I'm checking to see if I have a pulse." We got him ready and took off for the doctor's office. When we got there, the nurse checked his oxygen. It was 53 and they started giving him oxygen and it went up to 90. The P.A. told us he needed to go to the emergency room and would probably be admitted. She felt they would need to run several tests to see what was going on. She would call and let them know we were on the way. We got to the ER about 11:45. The place was packed. I thought to myself, if dad has to sit out here and wait, I don't know what I'll do! He didn't wait long. We stayed in the ER for 7 hours. Peter, Van, Zeb and Simon were there for a while and Betsy stayed with us all day. During that time, we found that Daddy had had a heart attack. We don't know when, but fluid had built up and that was why he was short of breath. Our nurse was great and we assisted her all day. Daddy was the best patient ever, even with the IV and catheter. He smiled and laughed and talked to people as usual, saying things like, "How are you? You're looking good. You hang in there!" One of the doctors asked him who I was and he said, "That's Susie, my wife." The cardiologist talked to us about his heart and another doctor told us he was having heart failure, but they were treating it as aggressively as they could, medically. They got him in a room just before 7:00. Jane, my friend who's a nurse, called and got him a tray for dinner. I knew he must be starving because all he had eaten was the bowl of oatmeal. I asked her to get him fish or all vegetables, because he spits out meat and doesn't like it. They sent up broiled fish, green beans and steamed vegetables. He ate all his beans and most of his fish and veggies. He started to take out his teeth, but I got them and washed both sets off for him. He was alert and bright eyed. Peter came in with Harry and Spencer. They were going to stay about 30 minutes. Van and Simon came. I decided to go get some dinner with Simon and then head home to rest. When I got home, I went in the bathroom and washed my face. I sat down and began to cry. The tears were just rolling and I began to pray. I truly felt God's presence as if his arms were around me. This feeling came over me and I said to God that I could let him go. I went in my bedroom and called my sister, Marie. As soon as we hung up, the phone rang. The nurse at the hospital told me Dad had just passed away. I broke down and Van and Simon were both hugging me and I was saying, "I should have been there." We called my brothers and sisters and met Betsy and Peter back at the hospital. David was driving down from Sugar Mountain. Our friends, Tammy, Sandra and Jackie also came. When I walked in the room and saw Daddy laying there, he was so peaceful and had a smile on his face. We all spent time together, waiting on David, telling stories. We laughed and we cried. A nurse and Kathy, the chaplain, joined us. John McMahan came and we talked to him and then left the hospital. Peter and David came out to my house and we stayed up until about 2am. The last time I looked at the clock it was after 4. We met at McMahan's Funeral home at 9:30. We've had friends in all day and lots of calls. There has truly been an outpouring of love for my Dad and for my family and we really appreciate it. We will be at McMahan's on Thursday, from 5:00 - 7:00pm and there will be a memorial service on Sunday at 3:00pm at First United Methodist Church in Rutherfordton. Daddy wanted to be cremated, so we decided to have an open casket at McMahan's in a cremation casket and will bury his ashes at the Rutherfordton Cemetery with a military committal service. Our Pastor, Ed, has to be out of town for a family wedding, but Tonya Hill has agreed to do the service. I am amazed at God's everlasting love. He always answers our prayers. My prayer has been that Dad would not die of Alzheimer's Disease. My prayer has been that I could do what was necessary to care for Dad. God has held me in his hand and continues to do so tonight........... Susie

Sunday, December 26, 2010

I have so much to catch up on! The fall that Dad had definitely hurt him. On Wednesday morning, he couldn't get up out of bed without the help of me and Van. He said, "Ooooh" and "My back hurts." He pointed to his lower back. On Wednesday morning, he had an appointment with Dr. G, at Rutherford Orthopedics. Dr. G takes care of Dad's feet and toenails. I told him about the fall and he said if he didn't seem better in a day or two, one of the Ortho's could see him. He soaked in the jacuzzi tub at Life Care on Tuesday and again on Thursday. He still had lots of pain on Thursday, getting up and down, but it seemed a little better. The family all went to Peter's house on Thursday night. Dad enjoyed being with everyone. Of course, he wanted to eat and drink everything and anything in front of him! As we all got ready to go, we put Dad's coat on him and we were gathering our things, when the next thing we knew Dad was on the floor. He had fallen again! The boys helped him get up and he walked out to the car. Zeb and Simon took their papaw home and Van and I dropped by a party. Zeb said they asked Dad how bad his back hurt on a scale of 1 - 10. Dad said, "Eight." They asked if he needed to see a doctor and Dad said, "No, it'll be better in the morning." Since then, we've helped him get up and down. He complains of pain as he moves from seated to standing position, but is okay once he stands up. At night, I've been putting a pillow under his knees. The past couple of nights, he seemed to be short of breath when he was laying down. His mouth has been really dry and his lips chapped. I've gotten up to put ChapStick on his lips and give him water. Changing him is harder because I need help getting him to stand. Today he seemed better. He is still sore but doesn't complain as much. He sat at he table for several hours today looking at his books and working with his math cards. He really loved yesterday. David's family, Peter's family, Betsy's family, Van's mom and aunt, and Tim and Tammy came over for Christmas breakfast. What a beautiful day, with the snow falling! I couldn't believe our white Christmas! Dad loved being around everyone. Rodrigo played 21 with him. He opened some gifts and had a great day. We took some video I hope to upload soon. It concerns me that Dad has fallen twice. I'm going to see how he is tomorrow and call Dr. Jane about him. He's had a good day today and only shows some pain when he has to stand up. I wonder if he didn't crack his tailbone. Other than that, we've had a really wonderful Christmas....... Susie

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Yesterday was the busiest day ever! I overslept because I forgot to reset my alarm. I left the house in a hurry and Van had to get Dad up. He said he left him sitting at the bar, looking at books, as usual. He went back to the bathroom to get in the shower and said he heard a loud crash. He came back in to the kitchen area to find that Dad had fallen off the stool and was laying on his back. He called for Zeb and they got him up. He didn't seem to be hurt. Van told them to keep an eye on him at Life Care. He seems to be okay. Peter picked him up this afternoon and said he had a lot of trouble getting Dad to get out of the car when they got to his house. Later they went out to eat. When Peter brought him home, Dad came in and didn't want to take his coat off. He sat in his chair, with his coat on, for about an hour. I decided to get him in the bed. The first two times I told him it was bedtime, he said he wasn't ready for bed. I got Simon to come up and together, we helped pull him up. He seemed a little unstable at first, but then he went in and used the bathroom. I tried to get him to pull out his teeth and rinse them off, but he refused and I gave up that battle. I handed him his toothbrush and he did brush his teeth. This is our conversation, now, most nights:

Me: Let's take your clothes off.

Dad: Why?

Me: 'Cause you're getting in bed. Take off your shirt.

Dad: (He sits on the edge of the bed and unbuttons his shirt and then his shirt sleeves.)

Me: (I help him pull the shirt off) Take off your pants.

Dad: (Huffs a little. Unzips pants and pulls them down, then sits on the bed and puts leg out for me to pull off shoes and take pants legs off.)

Me: Now take off your underwear.

Dad: Why?

Me: Because we are going to put these clean ones on. (I show him the new Depend)

Dad: He pulls Depend down far enough for me to pull it off. Then he puts legs through clean Depend as I hold it and then he pulls it up.

Me: Now you can lay down.

Dad: Thank you. Thank you.

I hear his words less and less. He's in bed behind me whispering, "Lordy me mercy, Lordy me mercy.".....Susie

Sunday, December 19, 2010

It's been a great day today. Dad got up about 7:45 and of course, I got up with him. I fixed him Rice Krispies with bananas and made a pot of coffee. I watched the news and Sunday Morning while he sat at the bar and looked through papers, magazines and his math cards. Zeb said he would stay home with Papaw while Van, Simon and I went to church. It's been a long time since Van went to church with us, so that was really nice. He is usually the one to stay home with Dad, although he doesn't complain about it! After church we all ate left overs and took it easy. Zeb left for a bike ride around 3 and Simon and Van left to go to Barley's Pizzeria. There was a benefit tonight for Tiffany, whose father just passed away with cancer. Lots of local musicians played and Simon started it off at 4. I got Dad ready. As we pulled out of the driveway, he asked where we were going. I said, "Barley's Restaurant." In just a second or two he asked again, and again I said, "Barley's Restaurant." After we had gone down the road about a mile, he looked over at me and said, "Susie, we are going to Barley's Restaurant!" He laughed. Then he repeated, "Barley's Restaurant" over and over. We got there just before Simon started to play. When the waitress asked Dad what he wanted to drink, he said giggling, "some Old Grandad", which use to be his daily drink. I got him a beer and when he took the first sip, he made a face. Then he drank the rest with no problem. The place was absolutely packed. Dad really enjoyed watching everyone and he laughed and had a great time. We saw some old time friends like Kathy Cunningham, Debbie Harrington and Jimmy Beason. We also saw Kathy, who use to keep Dad. It was great and even though Dad didn't remember them, he enjoyed their attention to him. We stayed for 3 hours and when I thought we better head home, he said he wasn't quite ready. Zeb drove us home and I got Dad into his pajamas and then I got in mine. I fixed his medicine for the week and got things ready for tomorrow. He's in his chair and I'm going to join him in the living room. Hope everyone has a great week and a happy holiday!!! Susie

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Wednesday was a regular day at work. I decided to run some errands after I got off because David was getting Dad. Susan called me when I was at Belk and said that David's car had broken down and I would need to pick up Dad. It worked out and they kept Dad on Thursday night. On Wednesday night, both times I tried to change Dad, he pitched a fit. He tried to pull the covers back and kept telling me to get away and that he didn't need changing. The first time, I gave up, but the second time Van came in to help and we got him changed. On Thursday morning, there was ice on the roads and school was called off. I got Dad up and Van took him to Life Care only to find that no one was there. He brought Dad back home and I made him eggs and toast for breakfast. I called Life Care around 10, and found that they had come in. I started to go in for 1/2 workday, but I had a headache and thought I would just take the rest of the day off. I took Dad to Life Care and came back home. I made homemade chicken noodle soup and tried to relax the rest of the day. David got Dad and I went with Van and the boys to Mudbones to hear Zack Byers play music. We got home just before David brought Dad home. Dad was okay with the nightly changes on Thursday night. Yesterday morning, Dad had his appointment with Dr. Jane. As we were talking about some of my recent concerns, I started crying. It seemed the tears were just rolling and I couldn't stop them. Jane said it was good for her to see my tears. She said that doctors often see their patients ten minutes and don't realize what the caregivers are really dealing with 24/7. Again, I think about how much support I have and how blessed I am in so many ways and that Dad is as good as he is. On the way out of her office, Dad saw the eye chart and read every line. He wasn't going to keep walking until he had finished the entire chart. Jane laughed. After his blood work, I took him to Life Care and went to work. Phillip called me about 4:00 and wanted to pick Dad up and bring him home. He took Dad to see some Christmas lights and when they got in, I made them some of the chicken noodle soup. Van and I left to go to the Water Oak for our anniversary. Zeb stayed home and Papaw sat. During the night, I got up at 1:00 to change Dad and he wanted no part of it. He didn't look real wet, so I thought I would wait. At 3:30, I went in to change him again. This time he was soaking. He got really angry that I wanted him to stand up and let me change him. I kept trying and knew I had to get him up because he was so wet. He kept telling me to "get away" and "go on". Zeb and Van, both awakened by us, came in, and the three of us got him changed. I slept until 9:30 this morning. I couldn't believe it. It was wonderful! Dad didn't get up until 10! We've just taken it easy all day and I have loved it. Dad keeps going up to the Christmas tree and touching all the ornaments. He counts them and then checks to make sure the Christmas lights are not too hot. Once, he went in the bathroom and used the bathroom. Then he went to the sink and hocked and spit. Then he got his brush and brushed his hair. Then he looked through his ditty bag. He kept doing that over and over. I tried to get him to come out, but he said, "I need to wash myself." I let him continue and he stayed in there for about 25 minutes, repeating those actions! I'm cooking dinner and not going anywhere! I love it! Susie

P.S. Zeb spent5 days in Oregon for the National Collegiate Cyclocross Race. He had a blast and Appalachian came in third! I'm so proud of him!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I was feeling a bit under the weather Sunday morning. It was drizzling freezing rain and I decided to stay home from church. Dad slept until about 9:15. I made him oatmeal for breakfast and then he hung out in his chair and I hung out on the couch. I took it easy most of the day. Dad's eye is looking better and he really isn't messing with it. In the afternoon, I got him in the shower and he did really well with that. I've mentioned to a couple of people that he has had this different smell to him. Sometimes, if he has a wet depend, he might have a urine smell. But this smell is different and even after a shower, I can smell it. It might sound crazy, but it reminds me of the smell Mama had a week or two before she died with cancer. I guess as people change, they may have different smells. Dad will be going to Dr. Jane on Friday, so I'll mention it to her. Last night, Simon played at Mudbones again. I think the cold kept more people from coming out! It was freezing! Dad enjoyed his vegetables and didn't complain too much when it was time to go. When I got home with Dad, I changed him and put on his pajamas. He sat in his recliner until time to go to bed. When I tried to get him up, he said he didn't want to. Once, he stood up and then sat back down. Simon came over and helped me get him to bed. I got up twice last night to change him. The first time he was totally dry. The second time he was soaked. This morning I went to get him up for the day. I had made lots of noise in the kitchen and turned the lights on, but I could tell he was not going to want to get out of bed! He tried to grab the covers back, but I was pulling them off to get them in the wash. He said, "No! Look out!" When I told him again that he needed to get up and I pushed his legs toward the floor, he said again, "Look out!" It was almost as if he was saying, "You better leave me alone or I'll do something." Van came in to help and once we got him going, he was fine. He had his follow up appointment with Dr. Lowery for his eye this afternoon. When we got out of the car, he said, "Ooh, it's cold out here!" Then he read everything he saw all the way to the door. In the waiting area, he kept counting things aloud. Once, I asked what he was counting and he said "fishers". I think he was counting the lights. He took a magazine in to the examining room and read through it over and over. Dr. Lowery said his eye was looking really good. When we left, I took him to Peter's for dinner. They should be home soon. I have all my chores done and I'm ready for bed. I think I'll make it an early night for Dad, too. My shoulder and back are still killing me. Yesterday, it felt like a muscle in my shoulder "popped". It's been really sore since. I'm trying to take it easy on it!......... Susie

Dad is doing great today. He actually kept on the plastic shield until this morning. His eye looks great and he is in good spirits. We slept until 9:15, which was nice. I can tell more and more that not getting good, deep sleep is wearing on me. I guess the last time I had really good sleep was when we went to the beach in July. Simon stayed with Dad so I could run to the flea market to get magnetic bracelets for my friend, Maria. After I got there, I found out that the man who sells them was not there. Shoot! When I got home, Dad was still sitting at the bar where I left him. He had been looking through papers and magazines and catalogs. He's been back and forth between the bar and his recliner ever since. It seems I can never catch up around here. Time goes by way too fast. I've come to realize that so many things in life come down to time and money. Most people don't have enough of either! As I grow older, and watch my Dad's decline with age and dementia, I also realize that we can live our lives more for time, or more for money. Time is the most precious gift we have to give another. How people spend their time says a lot. Caregivers give time more than anything. I feel sad for those caregivers out there who have no support. I hope they will learn to reach out to those around them and that others will see their need and respond. As fortunate as I am, it is never easy. I said once, that after thinking about how much Mom had done in caring for Dad, I had the easy part. I believe that, but it is still difficult. There are many relationships and dynamics between relationships. We are all in it together. I got news this morning that Viola, my dad's cousins wife, had died. She loved for us to come visit. I had hoped to get Dad out to see her, but never made "time". It was interesting that I was thinking about caring and giving and I went to make myself a cup of tea. On the box was a quote from The Art of Giving by Kent Nerburn: "Remember to be gentle with yourself and others. We are all children of chance, and none can say why some fields will blossom and others lay brown beneath the August sun. Care for those around you. Look past your differences. Their dreams are no less than yours, their choices in life no more easily made. And give. Give in any way you can, of whatever you possess. To give is to love. To withhold is to wither. Care less for your harvest than how it is shared, and your life will have meaning and your heart will have peace." The only thing I would change, is that I believe we are children of God, and not of chance. I believe Jesus came to tell us to give. Slow down this holiday season and enjoy. I'll try to do the same........ Susie