Tuesday, August 31, 2010

I'm blogging early again today because Peter has Dad and I'm going out to dinner with friends. Then I have a meeting at the church at 7. As I was getting Dad's bed ready for tonight, I thought about something that happened a couple of weeks ago. When I got Dad in the bed, he looked at me and said "This is a really good bed." I laughed and said, "Yep it is a really good bed!" It makes me think how little things like the comfort of a bed are important and so important that Dad would comment about it. He has always shown such pleasure in getting in bed and being cozy. I think back about how much Dad has changed in the past 17 months that he has been with us. We have a little pond on our property and Dad really enjoys spending time there. In March of 2009, Dad and I would walk down to the pond with Van and sometimes Zeb and Simon. Dad would always ask "How deep is this pond?" We would answer "6 feet". Then 10 seconds later Dad would ask "How deep is this pond?". And on and on. He literally asked that question 25 to 50 times, depending on how long we stayed. He would also comment about the sky, such as "It sure is a blue sky day" or "It's a beautiful day, a beautiful day..." or "There are a few clouds in the sky, but it's a nice day". Now Dad doesn't comment as much or as often. On those days back then, Dad would also walk back up to the house. It is quite a good walk, mostly uphill. Now it's hard for Dad to walk down to the pond, much less back up to the house. We drive him now and often he doesn't even want to get out of the car. I end up getting him out and he enjoys himself. Now that the weather is getting cooler, I'm sure we'll spend more time there after work. Thanks for reading and for your comments........ Susie

Monday, August 30, 2010

I wanted to blog early today because I'm leaving shortly to go to Simon's soccer game in Asheville. This soccer season, we have someone who will pick up Dad from LifeCare on Mondays and keep him until we get home. Tonight we will probably be fairly late. I make sure he has supper to heat up, his medicine is out, and his bed is ready for him to get in. This morning was fairly easy getting him ready for the day. As I walked in to the kitchen at 6:30, he was already awake and he asked, "Susie, what are you doing?" I said "Getting you up so I can go to work!" He assisted me in dressing him and then I sent him to the bathroom to use the bathroom, brush his hair, and wash his hands. Of course, I have to check to make sure each task is completed. I won't see him again until we get home from the game. We have games on Mondays and Wednesdays. My brother David picks Dad up from LifeCare on Wednesdays. He and his wife fix supper for Dad and bring him home around 8:30 - 9:00. My brother Peter gets Dad on Tuesdays and does the same thing. It's a big help to me to know that I can get other things done those nights and I don't have to worry about fixing Dad's dinner. My sister Betsy also helps out when I call on her at other times. I think it's really important to have that support and I'm really lucky that I have three siblings who live in town. Dad's lucky too! My other big support, of course, is Van and Simon. When Van and I want to go out and do something, Simon is our PawPaw sitter. He does a great job and it's a good way for him to make some extra cash! He usually has a friend over and I think they have a good time with Dad. They keep Dad busy at the kitchen bar drawing pictures, spelling words, working math problems and sometimes playing Black Jack. Gotta leave for the game..... Susie

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Dad got up at 7:45 this morning. I can always hear him because when he starts toward the bathroom, he begins hocking and then spits into the toilet. I waited for him to use the bathroom and made him wash his hands. We came back to his room and I changed his Depend and helped him put on a clean t-shirt and pajama bottoms. On the weekends I have Dad wear cotton leisure pants and house shoes because if it were me, that's what I would want to wear! I asked if he wanted to get up or lay back down and he said he wanted to lay down. Thank heavens. I needed the extra sleep. We had company last night for dinner and I didn't get to bed until about midnight. I laid back down and almost fell asleep when I heard Dad again. It was 8:15 and he was ready to get up. I made him some rice krispies with peaches. I did lay back down briefly, but Van was up getting ready to go help with a river cleanup. I missed church today and stayed home all day with Dad, just the two of us. Dad spent some of his time out on his swing, looking at the paper. He spent some time at the kitchen bar, looking through books and math cards. The rest of the time he spent in his recliner, occasionally looking at the television. More and more often, Dad is becoming resistant to getting up for anything, including eating. When I told him supper was ready, he said he wasn't ready to eat. It was really that he didn't want take the effort to get up and move to the table. I usually tell him what we're having and that helps. After each meal, we have Dad get up from the table and go to the bathroom to wash his teeth. If we don't he will take out his teeth at the table and proceed to suck the food from them. He is always resistant to get up from the table, but again we say things like "You have food on your teeth" or "We need to walk over here" or "Let's walk outside". Also, if Dad doesn't clean his teeth, he continues to spit and spit and spit. Once this afternoon Dad came in to my bedroom as I was ironing. He patted me on the back and reached over and kissed my cheek. It's amazing how far away he sometimes seems when he has no memories to connect to us. But for a second I can look into his sparkling little diamond eyes and see him there.

Day 1

Well, finally! Here I go. It's really been hard to get to the point where I actually sat down and decided to begin my first blog. I want it to be a commitment and my plan is to blog at least five times a week. I wondered if I really had the time and the energy to do it! Last week I went back to work at Spindale Elementary after having my summer off. I'm getting up again at 5:40am and I'm exhausted. I already know that this year with Dad is going to be different from last year. Even though Dad walks and performs most motor activities, he is definitely slowing down at everything - except eating. He eats too fast. He pockets food in his jaw and keeps putting food in his mouth even when it's full. He doesn't like it if we try to get him to slow down. I have to portion his food because he would eat anything put in front of him. Tuesday night Dad refused to let me change him during the night. When I went in to get him up at 6:30, his Depend was lying on the floor by the bed. I pulled the covers back to find him in only a teeshirt. Of course the bed was soaking wet. I got him up and had him wash up and put his clothes on for the day. I walked briefly down the hall to put his dirty clothes in the washer and when I returned, there was Dad, back in the bed. The soaking wet bed. My goodness. I had to get him up to redress him with clean clothes. Thank heavens Van came in at that point to help out. This year I will be leaving the house at 7:00am to get to work. Van will take Dad to LifeCare - the adult daycare where Dad stays from about 8:00 to 5:00. We have our challenges, but we also have laughs and wonderful memories..... Susie

Harold

Harold's History

Before I begin posting daily blogs, I think it is important to have some background about Harold Lane, my father. Dad will be 88 in September. He has had a wonderful life. He was born to an unwed mother, who struggled during the Great Depression. He had one half-brother. There was never a father figure in his family. He helped his mother and brother at an early age. He joined the navy in 1939 to serve in World War II. He was stationed in Australia, on submarines, and became a Chief Pharmacist's Mate. He was married and had a daughter, who was born in the United States. Not wanting to live in the U.S., his wife went back to Australia with their daughter and Dad went to medical school. He met my mother, who was also a medical student. They both became Pediatricians, dad having his own practice and mom working with developmental disabilities. Dad was a beloved Pediatrician in Rutherford County, North Carolina. He worked 24/7. Literally. He went to his office each morning, came home for lunch, went to the hospital, back to his office, back to the hospital, home for dinner, back to the hospital and then all during the night patients came to his office at the back of the house. Occasionally, mom and dad would take a vacation. They had to go far away just to get away. In spite of both their occupations, they were wonderful parents to me and my 2 brothers and 2 sisters. Dad tried to retire in 1982. He took up sailing and sailed to Australia from Wilmington, N.C. It took him 6 months and when he returned he decided to continue working. He also sailed to South Africa several years later and retired for good in 1986. At that time he was having some noticeable difficulty with his memory. It was not noticeable to others, but it was to our family. My mom continued to work until 1998. At that time, Dad needed someone with him most of the time. Mom could go to church or to the store, but she couldn't leave him overnight. She cared for him until her death in March of 2008. She died of malignant melanoma and unfortunately Dad really didn't experience her death like the rest of our family. He was there, but his memory was so bad that he was truly not cognizant of the reality. After mom's death, my sister Betsy moved into Dad's house and kept him there for about 8 months. Betsy had two younger children and caring for Dad was a tremendous burden for them. When Betsy told me and my siblings that her family was not going to be able to continue to keep Dad, we had to think of alternatives. Of course a nursing home was mentioned first. It broke my heart to think that Dad would be in a nursing home. I talked with my husband, Van, and my sons, Zeb and Simon, and we decided as a family that we would take Dad in to our home and keep him as long as it was possible. That was in March of 2009. At that time, I was almost 48 and Van was almost 50. Zeb was finishing his senior year in high school, age 18 and Simon was almost 15. We made our office, off the kitchen, Dad's new bedroom. Our bedroom is at the end of the hallway with a small laundry room in between. Dad's room has windows that he likes to look out. He spends most of his time in the living room in his recliner or sitting at the kitchen bar. He has his own bathroom which is a half bath and we use our bathroom for his showering. When Dad moved in 15 months ago, he was continent during the day but would have accidents at night. I learned to use lots of mattress covers, underpads and of course Men's Depends. Now Dad wears Depends all the time. He will say, "Where's the bathroom? I'm about to pee!" He will use the bathroom some, but less and less frequently and usually on a schedule. Other changes I have seen over the past 15 months have to do with his memory and general stamina. His memory has been very poor for the past 4-5 years. He basically has no long term memory and his short term memory is only a few seconds. His strength is his ability to read and count. He will sit at the bar for an hour or two and look through books, reading captions and looking at pictures. He will also go through decks of math cards (addition, subtraction and multiplication). He will spend an hour looking through the newspaper, reading and rereading headlines and articles. Dad has also maintained his pragmatic language skills. He always greets people with sayings such as "How are you? You sure are looking good!" He can read people's emotions and display various emotions himself, but yet he has no memory. When Dad first moved in with us, he was fairly strong. He would walk down to our pond and back up the road, which is a pretty good walk. Now he doesn't want to walk as much and it's much harder for him. He is usually willing to walk down to the pond if I tell him we will drive him back up to the house.

I plan to one day write a book about Dad and his Alzheimer's Disease. I know that many people are dealing with caring for a loved one, whether they have Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, Cancer, or other illnesses. I always say that we will either die young or we will grow old and die. More and more of us are growing old. It seems if we don't have physical ailments, we're sure to lose our minds! I do believe we are facing one of the greatest challenges our society will have. It's creeping up slowly, just like Alzheimer's Disease did to my dad. I am writing this blog from my own personal experience, but I do think it's important to say that I am a speech-language pathologist. In this blog, I hope to give information that will make it easier for the caretakers out there who are dealing every day with issues that are difficult, at the least. I hope this will be helpful for others and for me.

Thanks for reading.... Susie