Sunday, January 30 Last Thoughts

Friday, January 7, 2011

I’ve been wanting to blog, at least one last time about my dad. On Tuesday, friends came by to bring food and be with us. Marie came in from Dallas. For the next couple of days, we spent time as a family and enjoyed the comfort of our friends. We received friends at the funeral home on Thursday and Katharine’s family came in from Green Bay. Afterwards, we all came out to our house and my Spindale friends had dinner for us. On Friday evening, Van and I went to the Water Oak with some friends and the rest of our family also enjoyed dinner there for New Year’s Eve. I then went home to write Dad’s eulogy and worked on it until about 3 am. My dear friends from college, Maria and Renee, came on Saturday. We all went to Betsy’s for New Year’s Day dinner. It was really healing for the family to be able to spend time together and with friends before Dad’s funeral service on Sunday afternoon. Reverend Tonya Hill, who grew up knowing Dad, led the service. Don and Pam McMahon sang “Give Yourself to Love” and “I’ll Fly Away.” It was beautiful. I gave Dad’s eulogy. Tonya spoke what our hearts needed to hear. Dad’s ashes were buried at the Rutherfordton cemetery, with a military burial. I felt the day truly was a celebration of his life. I stayed home from work on Monday and spent the day with the family. We all went out for breakfast. On Tuesday, I stayed home again. I got up about 8:30 and saw Marie and Ron before they took off. I spent the day with Zeb and Simon. It has been so busy, that we all just needed time with each other. I went through some things in Dad’s room, which will now return to our “office”. It was a tough day. I had moments when I just fell apart. When Van got home, he and the boys took Dad’s bed out. I couldn’t bear to walk by the door and see his bed, time after time, and I think Van knew it. Wednesday, I went back to work. Going back to work is difficult, yet it’s good. For me, I am consumed by the reality of death. My heart is full of sorrow; but I also want to push forward to be half the person either of my parents was. At work, I can be back to my usual self. A routine and lots to do, keep my mind busy. But I am really, really tired. I cry easily. I had a doctor appointment yesterday, and I cried with the nurse and I cried with my doctor. To make matters even worse, I helped Simon finish up a project for school last night and when I went to bed I couldn’t go to sleep. I really don’t think I got but maybe, 30 minutes of good rest. I’m going to go to bed early tonight! It’s supposed to snow Sunday night, and if it does, I’m not going to do one thing on Monday. Nothing, except maybe walk in the snow.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

I don’t know how many out there have read my blog, or continue to check it, but writing has truly been for me, a healing process. I haven’t even gone back and read it from beginning to end. Sometimes, I thought, “Have I written this before?” I was too busy to check. I am so blessed in my life, to have my God, my family, my friends, my comforts, and this beautiful earth. I’ve been asked by several people to post the eulogy I wrote for Dad. My last blog about my dad will be that. My hope has been that my blog might help us all understand the journey Alzheimer’s may be. For me, I was fortunate to have the love and support of family; and used services that helped make it possible for us to keep him in our home. I could never express the gratitude I have to all the workers at Life Care. They loved my daddy and treated him with such compassion and respect. The Black Mountain NeuroMedical Center made it possible for our family to vacation and take some much-needed time for each other. My prayer has been that I would not have to watch my daddy slowly die with Alzheimer’s disease. I mean, to the point where he couldn’t talk, or walk, or swallow. How painful for those who suffer that way. How painful it must be for their families. It amazes me that having suffered from Alzheimer’s for so long, Dad’s death was still so sudden. I miss him so. I loved him so.

Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy. ~Author Unknown