Harold

Harold's History

Before I begin posting daily blogs, I think it is important to have some background about Harold Lane, my father. Dad will be 88 in September. He has had a wonderful life. He was born to an unwed mother, who struggled during the Great Depression. He had one half-brother. There was never a father figure in his family. He helped his mother and brother at an early age. He joined the navy in 1939 to serve in World War II. He was stationed in Australia, on submarines, and became a Chief Pharmacist's Mate. He was married and had a daughter, who was born in the United States. Not wanting to live in the U.S., his wife went back to Australia with their daughter and Dad went to medical school. He met my mother, who was also a medical student. They both became Pediatricians, dad having his own practice and mom working with developmental disabilities. Dad was a beloved Pediatrician in Rutherford County, North Carolina. He worked 24/7. Literally. He went to his office each morning, came home for lunch, went to the hospital, back to his office, back to the hospital, home for dinner, back to the hospital and then all during the night patients came to his office at the back of the house. Occasionally, mom and dad would take a vacation. They had to go far away just to get away. In spite of both their occupations, they were wonderful parents to me and my 2 brothers and 2 sisters. Dad tried to retire in 1982. He took up sailing and sailed to Australia from Wilmington, N.C. It took him 6 months and when he returned he decided to continue working. He also sailed to South Africa several years later and retired for good in 1986. At that time he was having some noticeable difficulty with his memory. It was not noticeable to others, but it was to our family. My mom continued to work until 1998. At that time, Dad needed someone with him most of the time. Mom could go to church or to the store, but she couldn't leave him overnight. She cared for him until her death in March of 2008. She died of malignant melanoma and unfortunately Dad really didn't experience her death like the rest of our family. He was there, but his memory was so bad that he was truly not cognizant of the reality. After mom's death, my sister Betsy moved into Dad's house and kept him there for about 8 months. Betsy had two younger children and caring for Dad was a tremendous burden for them. When Betsy told me and my siblings that her family was not going to be able to continue to keep Dad, we had to think of alternatives. Of course a nursing home was mentioned first. It broke my heart to think that Dad would be in a nursing home. I talked with my husband, Van, and my sons, Zeb and Simon, and we decided as a family that we would take Dad in to our home and keep him as long as it was possible. That was in March of 2009. At that time, I was almost 48 and Van was almost 50. Zeb was finishing his senior year in high school, age 18 and Simon was almost 15. We made our office, off the kitchen, Dad's new bedroom. Our bedroom is at the end of the hallway with a small laundry room in between. Dad's room has windows that he likes to look out. He spends most of his time in the living room in his recliner or sitting at the kitchen bar. He has his own bathroom which is a half bath and we use our bathroom for his showering. When Dad moved in 15 months ago, he was continent during the day but would have accidents at night. I learned to use lots of mattress covers, underpads and of course Men's Depends. Now Dad wears Depends all the time. He will say, "Where's the bathroom? I'm about to pee!" He will use the bathroom some, but less and less frequently and usually on a schedule. Other changes I have seen over the past 15 months have to do with his memory and general stamina. His memory has been very poor for the past 4-5 years. He basically has no long term memory and his short term memory is only a few seconds. His strength is his ability to read and count. He will sit at the bar for an hour or two and look through books, reading captions and looking at pictures. He will also go through decks of math cards (addition, subtraction and multiplication). He will spend an hour looking through the newspaper, reading and rereading headlines and articles. Dad has also maintained his pragmatic language skills. He always greets people with sayings such as "How are you? You sure are looking good!" He can read people's emotions and display various emotions himself, but yet he has no memory. When Dad first moved in with us, he was fairly strong. He would walk down to our pond and back up the road, which is a pretty good walk. Now he doesn't want to walk as much and it's much harder for him. He is usually willing to walk down to the pond if I tell him we will drive him back up to the house.

I plan to one day write a book about Dad and his Alzheimer's Disease. I know that many people are dealing with caring for a loved one, whether they have Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, Cancer, or other illnesses. I always say that we will either die young or we will grow old and die. More and more of us are growing old. It seems if we don't have physical ailments, we're sure to lose our minds! I do believe we are facing one of the greatest challenges our society will have. It's creeping up slowly, just like Alzheimer's Disease did to my dad. I am writing this blog from my own personal experience, but I do think it's important to say that I am a speech-language pathologist. In this blog, I hope to give information that will make it easier for the caretakers out there who are dealing every day with issues that are difficult, at the least. I hope this will be helpful for others and for me.

Thanks for reading.... Susie